Trying to Forget

Here's another to my first ex-husband Alan Wills. Just to fill you in when I left him we were in the process of selling our Flat and buying a house in Chipstead Way, Banstead, Surrey. I think the pressure of knowing I had to stay in a job I hated to be able to afford the new house as all Alan's wages would have been going on the mortgage so I would have to pay his fares(which is funny cos if you read a couple of posts ago you'll see he wasn't actually paying them himself!!!) as well as all the food and bills etc etc etc may have made me realise that things weren't right!! The reference to "The Met" is the police force as I was looking at joining up but my sight turned out to not be up to scratch!! Never mind - Wouldn't want to be doing that job these days!

Anyway here we go again!! Written March 1991.

Trying To Forget

As I walk down the Chipstead Way

It is a rainy Summers day

And still what plays upon my mind

It's here I left my dreams behind

I think of you so often now

That some way I must think of how

To stop these constant thoughts of you

And make my own life start anew

Well maybe now my answer's here

'Cos this weekend it became clear

That for "The Met" my sight's too short

So other forces must be sought

Maybe it means I'll move away

At least I won't see every day

Places reminding me of you

In everything I see or do

There was a customer this week

Who made my hopes seem not so bleak

It seems that he and his ex-wife

Are marrying again to continue their life

So maybe there's hope but just in case

I'll try to forget and put on a brave face

'Though deep inside I'll hope and pray

That you'll come back to me one day...........to stay.

Aaahhhhhh.........how sad that was! I have to say I have the perfect husband now  - well - maybe apart from the hairy back( !! ) - but that's a small price to pay for such a fantastic hubby!!! So everything happens for a reason. And I love Graham to bits!

Bad Timing

I've just found another couple of poems written to my ex-hubby Alan Wills. This next one may well have been sent! Although I'm sure the bit about potato peeling and cooking dinner MUST have been lies!!! Oh and the reference to the Policaman's Ball was because I was looking at trying to join the police force back then when it was alot safer a job than it is now!!   ;-)

Bad Timing

It's taken me a year

To really know the way I'm feeling

I miss my life with you

I even miss potato peeling!

I miss having you there

When I need a loving hug

I miss making a cup of tea

With a teabag in a mug!

I miss cooking the dinner

'Though it was never really much

I miss your gentle kisses

And I miss your tender touch

It's funny that I miss

Some of the things I really hated

Like standing in the Tesco queues

And getting aggravated!

It's very sad I couldn't

Make my mind up months before

But I suppose that we both know

That I had to be so sure

But don't you worry baby

'Cos you have a new love now

And I won't try to spoil it

Even if I did know how

'Cos at least I know you're happy

Even if it's not with me

But if you ever do split up

You know just where I'll be.

I have a lovely boyfriend

And he's very understanding

Even though to live with

He can be very demanding

You see my week with him

Has just reminded me of you

And he's comforted me through it

'Though my real feelings he knew

So I'll make the most I can

Of the time I have with Paul

Even though it may not last

Until my first Policeman's Ball!

I doubt that you'll still want

To have a birthday drink with me

'Cos now I've told my feelings

Karen will not let it be

But if you like, I'll drive, not drink

And therefore I'll be good

So I ask you just one favour

Consider it, if you would.

This was written in Feb 1991 and was probably what made him think he'd better get the divorce started!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Karen made him do it I expect!! But I do know he never stayed with her - I think in his words he said she was a bunny boiler!!!

Next instalment in a bit!! Making up for missed blog posts!!

Sandra

aka Mummywummy

I Want My Hubby Back!

Here's one I wrote but I dare say probably never sent when I was feeling like I wanted my first ex-husband Alan Wills back! It was written on 22nd June 1991 just before our decree absolute was due on 4th July!! American Independence day of all days!!

It's funny that I wanted him back cos it was me who left him although I still loved him because it just wasn't right somehow! I felt unappreciated and un-needed and was fed up of the fact we were always saving for something but could never buy anything!! In other words he was just a tad tight with his money!!

Funnily enough it got him in trouble in the end cos he ended up trying to cheat British Rail out of fare money by paying at the end of his journey and saying he'd only got on at Vauxhall instead of Sutton! One day they put staff on at Vauxhall and LOTS and LOTS of people using the scam got done and ended up with criminal records!! He even tried to use that on me to get me to go back through sympathy!!

He wasn't a bad old stick really - just naive as we were both young and had been together for about 4 or 5 years before we married(saving up again!! ;-)). I guess we just grew apart as we were like brother and sister at the end not husband and wife!

Well here it is:-

I only want my husband back

'Though soon you're that no longer

And since I realised my mistake

My love keeps growing stronger

I wish I could make time stand still

And wipe your memory

Replacing thoughts of Karen

With loving thoughts of me

The thing I find that hurts the most

Is why I hesitated

And didn't give the chance you wished

To get "us" re-instated

So scared was I to go straight back

In case you stayed the same

I needed her to prove you'd changed

And now I'm all to blame

I know I really hurt you bad

For that I'm not forgiven

But now I'm punshied as I know

You to her arms I've driven

I know you'll never want me back

'Cos this is no love story

And there's no happy endings

In real life we just stay sorry

Hope you like this one! I wonder if he's still saving up for those children???!!! ;-)

Bye for now!!

Sandra

aka Mummywummy!

Sorry I've been neglecting my blog!!

Sorry folks I've had a really busy week and not had time to post. There was a fun run at school on Friday where Marissa my 5 year old and me had to dress up as a book character and run round the school field to raise money for the development of the school playground. Marissa was dressing up as snow white so I've spent the week dashing around to cobble together a dwarf's costume so I could be one of the dwarfs to run with her!! Plus I've had to find a boat we can do up for the playground which I also managed to do this week. Now I need to find a celebrity to do our opening in May 2010!! Anyone know any celebrities local to Sandhurst Berkshire?

Anyway the fun run went well and the press were there and Marissa managed to take part despite being poorly with a temperature!! We went home straight afterwards! But well done her for taking part!!

Anyway back to the poems! A couple of short ones for you today!

Again they seem to be for lost loves!!

Yes I still think of you

throughout all that I do

And it hurts me to know

That you told me to go

All the pain is still here

It's because you're not near

And I really do miss

Your sweet passionate kiss

I feel love for you still

And it's making me ill

And 'though love lingers on

All the joy of it's gone!

Again it has no date or any clues as to the intended recipient would have been - I doubt it was ever sent! Here's the other one:-

Yes I failed cos I said that

I won't bother you

But without you I don't know

What I'm gonna do

And it's strange cos my promises

I always keep

And it plays on my mind each time

I try to sleep

'Cos this love it won't leave me

However I try

If I try to be happy or

Let myself cry

I can't find a solution to

How I still feel

Although sometimes to others I

Seem, hard as steel

But I promised you that

As a stranger I'd act

And at least there's one way that

I've kept to my pact!

I'm off to get ready for work now but there will be more tomorrow - and we're now getting on to some that have dates so there'll be a bit more story behind the poems to reveal each time!!

Take care folks and speak tomorrow!

Mummywummy x

Good Bye to my Customers

Hi there again!

Hope everyone had a great weekend! This next poem for a change is not to a lost love - it's a little Good Bye poem written for my customers at The Woolwich in Banstead when I left to go to another branch!

The time has come to say "Good-bye"

And though I'm sad, I will not cry

My customers I'll surely miss

But I just want to tell you this

You've made my time at Banstead fun

And so I thank you everyone

For being such a lovely crew

I know that I'll remember you!

You never know - if I'm lucky

When Lisa starts her family

Before we get her happy news

I may have stepped into her shoes!

Then I'll be coming straight back here,

And I can stay a few more years!

Lisa was our Branch manager, and she'd just got married and was planning a family! I was leaving for a Branch manager promotion to be a floating manager - and guess what!! I did get to go back to Banstead Branch as manager!! I was very happy about that!!

See you tomorrow folks!

Sandra/Mummywummy x

Another Lost Love - Les - Sally and Peter's friend

This is a poem that I don't think ever was sent to the chap concerned so it will be funny if he ever reads it on here - or Sally and Peter for that matter!! Les was one of Peter's good mates and was on a course to learn landscape gardening so was not earning much at the time and committing to him then would have meant I'd have to try to fund us both(in my mind at the time at least) and I wasn't earning much at all back then. He'd previously left a girl who was a traffic warden (I think from memory) and she was earning much more than me - he ended up getting back with her after I was too scared of the commitment!! Worse was to come - I was Chief Bridesmaid at Sally & Peter's wedding and he was Best Man ..... and he took the traffic warden with him! I was devastated and got severely drunk at the wedding and ended up in tears!! Hope I was forgiven!!!

I lost your love and I know why

I had the chance but wouldn't try

And now, my love, you've gone away

To live without me, come what may.

I understand that you can't trust

The things I've told you so I must

Accept that you will never be

the man who wants to marry me.

Until the week that's just gone past

I thought in your thoughts I was last

So I had tried to do the same,

Refrained from mentioning your name

And locked my thoughts of you away

And hoped there'd never be that day

When they'd re-surface twice as strong

After my chance with you was gone.

Alas that day came recently.

I'm not surprised God punished me.

Too many hearts I must have hurt

By being an outrageous flirt

And dating guys who never knew

They'd never get as close as you.

And all that time you didn't know

'Cos I don't let my feelings show

And Sally's the last one I'd tell

About my private living hell.

I knew I couldn't get to you

However much I wanted to.

And now I still cannot compete.

A home you'd need and food to eat.

My wages still are pretty low

I'm not sure just how far they'd go.

If I could have two mouths to feed

Could I still cover all our needs?

I'd sell my car and pay the loan

And then an old banger I'd own.

I know a place wher we could live

And all my love to you I'd give.

But wake up Sandra - it's too late!!

All Les's love has turned to hate.

Forget the dreams, forget the plans

Sadly I must forget this man.

He has another lover now

And he won't leave her anyhow.

I had my chance - he left her then

But he will not hurt her again

And I can't blame him, not at all!

'Cos when I ran, she gave her all.

A shame my thinking wasn't right

But when I think of him each night

The pain he felt's now clear to me

When he laid there and thought of me

My punishment I'll have to take

I'll learn to live with this heartache

Too scared to give commitment then

I'll not make that mistake again

And so I say goodbye to you

The love I lost that was so true

But if you ever need someone

Make sure, my love, it's me you phone.

Now there's a turn-up for the books!! I was the one scared to commit!! Not the fella!!

That's all for today and sorry I missed yesterday!! One of those days!!

Sandra x

Quickie poems - one from a jealous mind and one just besotted

Hi all

Sorry for lateness of todays post - and as it's so late it'll only be a quick one cos I'm tired!!

Here's the Besotted person's quickie poem:-

I Love You, I Miss You

I just want to kiss you

But you're ill at home feeling blue

So why am I lonely

when I know it's only

A day 'til I'll be there with you.

It has no date on so I've no idea who it was for - and here's another from what seems like a very insecure me from the past - it's written on a used envelope and again has no date so the recipient if it was sent is also anonymous!!

Remember when you're out alone

That your eyes must never roam

Because I've got my spies, you see,

To make sure that you're true to me.

So have a laugh and have some fun

But make sure that when all is done

You've been as good as you can be

And spent the night thinking of me!

WOW!!! How PARANOID was that???!!

Off to bed now folks - more tomorrow!!

Mummywummy x